There are problems with paying for my medications, so I guess they will be delivered next week. It is so close, but I can wait through another delay.

This week was… normal? Nothing eventful happened. I just remember calling back and forth between the pharmacy and the clinic. I did some studying as usual, but nothing was particularly of notice.

I felt calm, but I didn’t feel at peace. I fell into the state of autopilot again. It is just an illusion of safety wrapped in a blanket of discomfort. The world spins around, and I can’t really keep up with it.

I’m still getting used to someone actually calling me Carlie. Conversely, being addressed as a son brings a different level of disturbance now. I think reality has been hitting hard; it went from the most evident changes to the tiny details that I can’t ignore anymore.

Growing up, I remember experiencing déjà vu constantly. To those unaware, it is a phenomenon of feeling familiarity during a new experience. I think it was partially because of the things I saw on television, back when I saw how fascinating America looked. That might explain the frequency of my déjà vu whenever I witness some sort of Western architecture.

I have never been happy when I encountered déjà vu, but for once at least, I hope it happens to me and my body. I can’t stay away from a mirror forever.

I wanna go everywhere so much. I didn’t expect myself to be so socially deprived and to exhibit such a strong sense of wanderlust. But the wonder of the world is amazing, and I just wanna go away somewhere. Somewhere I can be happy, maybe with someone, sometime.

“Take me to sunrise
Thought I’d wake you up
Give me the secret
What you’re giving ain’t enough
Ain’t enough

Far away from where we are
There’s a place I’ve been before

Another lifetime
Heard you speak my name
Give me the message
When you find it
I will wait
I will wait

Far away from where we are
There’s a place I’ve been before.”

– After, Take Me To Sunrise. 2026